Mortality Looms at me

Like an invisible shield

Like an invisible sheathe

It covers me over my head and then moves down over my body

I dream...

In my dream... I am running to kiss my mother, I am scared....SCARED...
very SCARED...

I need to be near her...I run to her because I am scared...I call out to her as I am running..."Mother...Mother..."...but I do not say I am scared...my voice ..it's tone is the alarm of the fear...it is heavy with it...

Near her is safety..

Mother..can you save me.....SAVE ME... from this mortality that I am aware of..that beckons as of late...mother can you save me..

Is the end near for me...are the dreams changing to tell me so....Mother where are you...I need to be near you...Mother I am scared.....

Mortality can you save me ? for this moment to get me through..to help me live life different..better...as If I have experienced a new country I have visited and came back changed, affected

Mortality looms over me today, morning as I awake

and take presently through my day...

Oh...

I pray before I leave here someday, that I find my place in the sun...

and it feels so near...

the rays...the sun...the heat....the feeling burning into my skin...beginning at it's dawn

so...I will wait for the call

and visualize

seeing myself step up

. . .in slow motion

and take

my rightful place in the sun

Once
And
For
All~

PEACE

... May the sun shine down on me....May IT BE...Oh dear lord...Let It Be.... (Exhale)...

When the world is too loud
I go silent

I go silently

when people don't see me

hear me

listen to what I ask, plea...beg even....I go silent

done I am with frustration of asking those even to listen

no greater satisfaction comes when I am turned to and said to "..you said this.."

yes...and I nod....but I nod silently....'cause I know and they know... they listened

but..sad it is when it is too late..much to much....too late

when people don't believe me..hear me....listen to me....I go silent...I am dampened like the leaf soaked from the storm that fell in a park where all have walked on..
and its all I feel and only
how I feel

Peace in the quiet...Silence...is Golden...

My mind is swirling, twirling as it seems all around almost now, all the time

A dancing carousel...as I always feel, seem to be now, all the time, in my mind

I enjoy the rides and places my mind takes me...and then again...sometimes not

I elevate, I climb..such high heights...I take in sights of beauty and oh there I do delight

I feel the pole spinning, winding around under palm....I look up to beauty of elegance, of galance of pure and sheer opulent delight of structure of carvings of color oh what a sight

Spinning round all my eyes to see of this every spinning delight...I am around and around spirit of childhood relishing in delight...

A horses mouth, its gleeful eye..it's painted beauty..the wind furling my hair.. my skirt...my sleeve...oh such a delight....I am dancing..twirling around in visions of carousel...as it seems...all my life....

(Our time with our souls)

My time with you tonight
Leaves me broken, beaten..bleeding tonight
Though we have lived together so many years
Housed in my body you ‘ve been my whole life
Sometimes you hide in the shadows so afraid..so scared to come out
Sometimes your so afraid to face me and come out
Sometimes you just don’t look right
Sometimes you and I fight
Sometimes I don’t know where your taking me or where you want me to be
Soul Endless soul..what is it..what is it you want from me tonight

Their are days I don't know where you have gone and left me
There are days it feels you vacated my side
There are days..I want to wipe the tears endlessly from you eyes
There are days I don't recognize you at all
I feel your return at times from a foreign place...were you in another body ?..last night..

Sometimes you return to me a stranger...and then I search the emotional rolodex to find you...calling out for you somewhere in the treasurebox of my mind I go to find you ..scream for you...but..are you mad at me I think sometimes...cause your not anywhere to be found...

You show up when you want...what have I done...what have I done for you to be so silent..Are you angry at me for selling your life so short in this body...Of one who I am so stunted in fear to move ahead...with dreams and unlived parts of this bodies life down here...but....I am always stopped ...sometimes I think dear soul you are my enemy...or is it m y head....m y heart...m y brain.....m y Mind ?....with all the battering the mind takes I know it must have its imperfections..so is it that ?..dear soul..are you mad at me for what I have become not ?...have I abandoned you recently and not called to talk with you in private anymore....yes...yes..you know..I have wanted to forget...to forget all the dreams I let die...all the dreams I cast aside..all the dreams in my head I never tried...

I love you soul of mine...be my friend....i will wipe away your tears each and every night..you don't have to be perfect..o r clean....I will wash you...we will talk to God together and ask for help..Please..just please..help me and I will help you and maybe we can help each other get through this life...

and remember dear soul...when it gets too hard.....F--....It !!!